Many people who experience difficulties and become stressful and feel the inner pressure when parenting a child to be a good child and obey the rules and norms of family or community. Such events may happen to you. When a child is ordered to do something, children often argue with the various reasons they have.
Why children often refuse to do something or even give reasons that are not acceptable to parents. So that parents feel fail to educate their children well in accordance with family rules and community norms. This is the inspiration for the author to bring opinions on how to educate children properly and correctly. You may have tried to develop a different pattern of parenting, but the results are far from what you would expect or remain unprofitable. Understandably, the attitude of defiance of children that have been formed long ago so difficult to change.
According to James Lehman, behavioral therapy of children, it is never too late to change it. It may not be easy, but there are effective and educative ways you can do to change the way you respond and improve the behavior of children.
1. Start one by one. When the child gets upset and goes into the room and slams the door while yelling at you, do the one thing you want to change first. You can say something like, "Do not swear, it's rude and does not solve the problem, and you make me sad, next time you do not swear when you're upset?" Then, give me choices about what to do. For example, go into the room in order to calm down. Once the swearing affair is over, you can go to another matter. Change one by one behavior that you feel is wrong. Do not try to solve everything at once.
2. Set limits and give consequences. One of the important things in parenting is to set limits on them. You can not manage a child to do something as you wish. However, you can direct the child to do so. For example, you ask the child to go into the room and sleep. However, the child does not want to sleep. So, you can take her into the room, and make her sleepy. You can combine the consequences and motivation so that children can be sleepy. Say, "If you do not sleep fast, tomorrow can wake up late." Then, turn off the room lights, and turn off the television or radio. This is what will help her to get sleepy.
3. Decide what you can do first. One of the obstructing things is when you do not know where to start. However, start from the simple things that put the child in emotional and physical risk. For example, when a child injures a neighbor's child, damages his or her toy, or dares to cross the street. Of course you can not change everything at once. You should start talking about values and morals to children, things that endanger themselves and other children.
4. Tell your child your goal of changing the rules. By saying the expected goal, you give trust to your baby to help make the change happen. It's important to realize that what comes out of your mouth is not always understood by the child the way you want. When children do not understand what you are talking about, they can become frustrated, worried, and angry, though they may try to stay calm. Whatever it is, you can say, "Let's see the way out." That is one way to approach your child and change the perception of the relationship between you and him.
5. Limit the odds. If you're worried that your child will do something harmful, the one thing you can do is to limit your child's chances of doing those things. For example, the ABG you love to drive carelessly. He does not want to comply with your rules to drive safely. Then all you can do is confiscate his car. That's what happens when you limit a child's chances of carrying a car. Limiting opportunities is one of the simplest ways to shape a child's behavior. You can return the car when he can show changes in his behavior.
6. Describe the changes you want. If you are going to take a new approach when facing wrong child behavior, it's good if you explain the reason to the baby. Maybe it will make your child angry and frustrated. But do not let the anger be used as a child to argue with you. Say that you understand that he is upset, but ask him to work together as a family. It is also recommended that you do not talk long, unspecific, and unfocused, so that children can more easily accept or understand what you want.
7. Do not expect empathy for children. Asking for empathy is not an approach that can convince your child, especially for teenagers who tend to empathize with others. To change something, you must show the consequences of your child's behavior. If you want your child to stop lying, you should be able to do something to make the child aware of the consequences of the lies he is doing. In this way, you do not have to rely on your child's empathy.
Punishment is just a kind of tools to get the goal so that is why when we would like to give punishment it must effective if the child start to give response ,so it is not necessary to give them heavy punishment.
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